I wrote this when I was fourteen years old (spelling errors, ect. [sic] included):
Are you paranoid? If you are then people think you are crazy right? Just so society doesn’t think your totally nuts I’ve set up a non-profit corparation called PARANOIA SKITSAFRENZIA ASSURANCE. You can hire thugs to take shots at you, make obscene phone calls. Send bombs in letters ect. All comforting reassurance to society that you are not crazy. The small fee is not for profits but to cover our expenses. Anybody can dish out 2000$ a day. In case you try to inform the authorities about this everybody will really be after you, you crazy jerk. You have to be crazy to apply for this that is why I picked you PARANOIDS. Also to get you all off my back.
Weird kid. That was my first thought when I came across the faded, torn piece of paper the passage was written on. My second thought was Kickstarter campaign. I could have PSA up and running in a matter of weeks!