Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer is a fun song to sing and has a nice story to boot. The other reindeer tease Rudolph because of his glowing honker and never let him join their Saturday night poker game. Then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa asks Rudolph to guide his sleigh and bingo, all the other reindeer love Rudy. Awww, how heartwarming…

If by ‘heartwarming’, you mean ‘pretty depressing’. What’s the song’s real message? That if you’re a freak, you’d better be a useful freak. Maybe instead of guiding the sleigh, Rudolph should have teamed up with Magneto to wreak havoc on the North Pole. Would have served all the other reindeer right.

And don’t get me started on the Stephen King-esque horrors of Frosty the Snowman.